We all fall into our ego. Sometimes we get lost in it.

But we cannot let ourselves sink in the convoluted ego. We cannot let ourselves sink for any reason. No matter if there is an issue of inferiority or superiority. Neither one is indicative of our worth. And neither one allows for a full and healthy representation of who we are. Therefore, neither one allows us to contribute fully to mankind as the Universe intended us to.

Our purpose is presence. Nothing more, nothing less.

What we do with our presence on Earth is a bonus of being present. A bonus of being alive in presence.

The world will have us believe “you are what you achieve”. The world will convince us “you are what you have”.

Does that ever satisfy the human soul? Never.

So, what if instead we rejoice in the simple beauty of existence? And the practice of “you are who you are”. And delight in simply being.

That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.

It’s not forbidden fruit. Reach out and taste it. Delicious life on repeat as long as you choose it.

Through every moment, regardless of how it’s shaded. Choose presence, choose simplicity, choose life. It is a choice every single day.

Remember what she has done for you.

Remember what she has given you, rather than what she hasn’t given you.

She is a good lady.

She is not perfect. Still, she is good.

She protected you, though it may not have felt like protection in the moment. She is protective.

She has done so much. She gave all she could.

That can be enough.

Now, though you don’t feel ready, or well qualified to parent yourself. This is the moment.

It may feel like a leap. It may feel like you don’t know yourself well enough to live life with confidence. But you know yourself well enough from the experience you’ve lived so far.

That can be enough.

The confidence and feeling of agency will come when you detach from what didn’t happen. When you feel grateful for what has happened. And move towards life as you are learning what your heart wants, while keeping the mind clear, and the soul engaged with that of “yes, and…” as you simultaneously stay in your body.

This is the journey of becoming a phenomenal woman. And this is the mission for continued growth in the human experience. The continuation and deepening of growth depend upon accepting the mission and how much we put into the mission.

This is a mission that will not be completed. There’s no end point, no deadline, no final result. It is a constant software update.

Don’t let yours end up stalling or freezing. You want the upgrade. It comes in baby steps.

She had her journey. You must accept the mission and embrace your own journey.

Maybe it’s okay that I will never truly know what another feels for me, how they see our relationship or what they think of me?

Maybe it’s okay to not know these things on a daily basis?

Maybe this not knowing is a gift?

I would often worry that the distance between me and another meant there would always be a dramatic shift in the relationship.

There always felt like there would be a reason, even something as simple as the others location, for someone to lose interest in me and leave.

I never felt substantial enough to hold a person’s attention.

The silences between text messages would raise anxiety. This made the physical distance feel greater.

There was always a feeling of distance between me and another person. Even when I was with others something about me didn’t feel like it could connect to the others.

No close connections. Nothing that really clicked, a constant feeling that friends, family, any relationship always had a reason to fade away.

Connection with others was all I cared about.

How to achieve this lasting connection?

Society convincingly said without so much as a word: Impress them. Make them feel in awe of you. Beguile them.

How to do this?

Authenticity doesn’t seem to be allowed and I’m no good at it anyway. Charming and vivacious are not my strong suits either.

Writing and whatever talent I have there never felt like enough to do the job.

Simplicity, natural beauty, empathy, and naive creativity seemed to not hold its own.

In a world full of bright primary colors and dazzling neon, I did not fit.

Pastel colors do not measure up to that of the royal blues, the vibrant yellows, the hot oranges, and exotic greens. Even that of the eccentric purples and the bubbly pinks take precedent over any pastel color.

I felt I had to work to be seen and always do something to maintain and lessen the distance between loved ones that were so far away.

But if they are truly loved ones the distance shouldn’t dictate anything.

The silence between text messages shouldn’t indicate that of a relationship that is going South.

If there is truly love between two people then love is loyal, honest and lasting.

People are like seasons. Always changing and hopefully always learning too.

Love that is loyal is flexible with this change.

So I may never know the perspective one has of me but perhaps that’s okay.

Maybe this not knowing is a gift because at least I have experienced loyal love in my life.

Maybe I should trust this loyalty.

I know now I never had to be anything more than what naturally was me at the time.

As we’ve grown, love seems to continue, even if it doesn’t feel the same or the silences between text messages seem to grow longer.

Maybe this not knowing what another feels for me, how they see our relationship, or what they think of me can be a gift because I can finally let myself sink into my becoming.

I can let myself connect to the one I’ve continued to run from.

I can now use this not knowing of what’s going on outside and go inside.

This is a place I should have invested in a long time ago. It is a place that has always scared me because it has been so foreign to me for so long. All I ever wanted to do was understand the outside. From this lifelong quest, I have abandoned and sacrificed the one person that carries me through this life.

After nearly three decades, her soul and her joy have been waiting patiently to rise. I must allow this, removing all past hostility, and transition to creating a gentle, kind, and peaceful atmosphere for all good to spread out and exhale for the first time deep within a soul that has waited to exhale too.

So, I will take this not knowing, and the mysteries of the outside world as a gift, as I go deep inside.

Hopefully, loyal love will be there as I emerge periodically from this new lifelong quest, but it will no longer be my lifeline. It will simply be a bonus of what I shall work to create inside.

People have some of the most brilliant minds. They have some of the most wonderful hearts. They can have extraordinary bodies that they walk through life in.

How amazing to move through the Earth as such a complete being!

However, people are not so far removed from their prehistoric ancestors and that of the animal species.

People are unfortunately very good at throwing away all their wonderful, extraordinary brilliance and succumbing to animalistic behavior.

Animals have feelings but they also live in the wild. They must stay in their instincts to survive. Their primal behaviors are what keep them alive. If there is a weak member of the herd or a young one that doesn’t meet the standards for survival they will be left behind. Nothing personal. It’s only survival mode.

People tend to do this too, but not just physically with those around them. They abandon a lot of things for many reasons and unfortunately those around them can take it personally being unaware of the whole story.

They abandon their feelings. People suppress their feelings and what their heart might need. This can happen to survive and keep one moving through other things that may feel more important to them. They may believe feelings will hold them back and that vulnerability is not allowed.

People may suppress their own hearts to get along with others. This is also a way to survive. Another may love them because they only feel or agree with the other.

When the heart is suppressed, the mind takes a hit too. Things like doubt, anxiety, agitation, frustration, confusion, envy and sadness can infect the mind. Any kind of fear and anger that the heart is unable to process will enter the mind.

This becomes an unpleasant space to live in. Toxic thoughts form here. As this continues, unhealthy opinions, judgments, doubts and self-sabotage become the foundation of the inner critic, the voices in our heads that create a harsh inner monologue and potentially a harsh dialogue with those around us.

When we don’t do the work to weed out this toxic thinking and tame the inner critic then our bodies can suffer the consequences.

The body can be susceptible to many physical ailments when not given the proper care it needs to grow, thrive and stay strong. The body is like a delicate flower. It needs light, water and nutrients to reach and sustain its full potential. When the mind and heart are struggling the body becomes neglected. This impacts the whole human system.

From this impacted single system, animal-like tendencies start to rise. This affects the home environment, the community, the city, the state one resides in and can ripple out soon reaching a global scale.

There have been many small and large scale wars in the world’s history due to lack of health resulting in animalistic behavior. An animalistic need to be right instead of caring, an animalistic lack of healthy thinking and a lack of calm. An animalistic anger and misunderstanding. A world of animalistic activity and overstimulation.

The same species that has invented and created so many beautiful and useful things has also been the most destructive, sabotaging a lot of good things and a lot of the good that humans truly can be.

Humans are innately good. Take care of yourself!

When the mind, heart and body are cared for, and doing well, then one can care for others and the community at large.

The most important thing we can do for the world is to take care of our minds, our hearts and our bodies. Then we can inhale our full realized potential as individual human souls and exhale a beautiful peaceful world we all deserve to inhabit.

Healing starts with caring for ourselves. Don’t behave like an animal.

Nurture your brilliant, wonderful, extraordinary human soul.

We all like to know where our lives are going.

There’s a societal need to have a destination and get there quickly.

Landing somewhere brings us a sense of security.

We forget this life is a journey. There’s a process we can’t escape.

When we try to escape the process, this only makes it longer and makes us miserable as we push through the discomfort we tried so hard to avoid.

Life doesn’t have a final destination. There’s only a journey to be lived moment by moment.

One can achieve goals, but one goal should lead to another. This is the kind of growth that we get to experience on the paths we walk.

The key is to be open to it.

The journey is not about winning or getting to a final destination. Like a small bud ready to blossom, we can be open to the growth that comes in our daily experiences.

When we accept this mindset and try a little better day by day then we will be guided to the next right step.

Much like the bud that blossoms one pedal at a time, so do our lives and we can too. As long as we remain open to this gradual unfolding of living, being becomes easier…moment by moment.