Breathing into Burning Questions and the Fully Lived Existence

What if what made you happy could be enough? Could it be enough?

What if what you love to do could be enough? Could it be enough?

Could you be enough if all you did in your life were the things that you naturally loved and that make you happy?

Must there always be conditions for one to feel their whole existence is worth the air they breathe? Must the space one takes up always be monetized before they can confidently show their talents and freely breathe into a fully lived existence?

It is too hard to live in such a competitive world that demands product over process every day. I cannot live and make a living at the same time. I cannot be my whole self while working daily only for the money, and the potential security that money may bring to me.

I want to breathe easily knowing I can express and allow my full potential to be what it is, out there, spread out for all to see, heart happy, soul alive, freely whole, being who I was made to be.

I know that would be beautiful! I’ve imagined a thousand times how amazing that would feel and how wonderful that could be.

But society was originally built for industry, and people are creatures of habit. When a group of people become familiar and comfortable with a set of systems, and a way of living it is not easy to make a change. Nor is it easy to go against the grain. Making a change, even for oneself, seems to upset the order of every system invented for mass productivity and comfort.

Therefore, it seemed the only choice I had for sustainable living was to follow the order of things and try to work within the systems already in place. It seemed all that mattered was the money for basic survival.

Unfortunately, this has left my heart in a constant state of discouragement, and my soul has been left utterly depleted. My mind became bitter and my body was forgotten.

“Am I enough? Who am I?”, the cells in my body constantly hummed.

This vibrated through me each time I needed to step out into the world and tried to fit the mold.

“Who am I?”

Each year I learned a little more of what I’m not. I learn a little more of what doesn’t work for me. But “who am I” would remain in the background unanswered.

“Am I enough?”, rattled on the back burner, longing to be brought into view, and burning to turn into a resounding full sentence, a complete question and answer that could beam with confidence.

“Who am I? I am enough.”

My heart and soul may have to hold on a little longer before this can become a true feeling and a pure reality. I’ll get there one day. We’ll get to this fully aligned and fully alive place one day, even if the world remains on edge, rough, clinging to its old systems.

I’m going to build myself up one cell at a time. Life can be what I make it one moment at a time. And yes, that can be enough; for me.