Connection of the Heart

My lungs have slowly been learning how to work for the first time. Their natural way of breathing was restricted for many years by harsh thoughts and intense emotions, like a lasso. This lasso was pulled just tight enough to restrict the proper amount of air, but not too tight that my lungs might burst. I was breathing just enough to stay alive, but not really to function, or feel satisfied about it. I was breathing just enough to stay afloat, but not enough to stay grounded. And so I went through the world in this way.

My mind is slowly learning how to unwind, but to maintain its shape at the same time. It is used to unraveling like a yarn ball. When trying to work out a solution to a problem on its own it becomes a fish out of water gasping for air. So I reach for the phone and call an outside source. The mind whips out its hammer and pounds at multiple nails until I’m broken and stuck. The lack of immediate reinforcements leaves me to tend to my own mind. Afraid to face it, like a listless cat to the yarn ball the ball gets unraveled further. And so I went through the world in this way.

My emotions slowly are beginning to become more manageable. A low self-esteem led them to be simultaneously suppressed and wildly unleashed. They could be triggered by something as small as the finger nail on your pinky finger due to the build up of feeling. Trying to comply with the variety of societal views created the perfect pressure cooker. While I boiled and fumed inside, occasionally spilling over, I just barley managed to stay in character. My poker face was decent enough that not many people asked questions. Most that did ask questions seemed to disregard the answer. And so I went through the world in this way.

I lost connection with myself and with my Source. I lost my identity because I didn’t want to identify with myself. The worst part about this disconnect and loss was that it was all unconscious. It hurt like fire to my skin. It suffocated me like a corset. An unconscious, conditioning corset.

Now…my lungs have been learning how to release. My mind has been learning how to release. My emotions have been learning how to act as a tether to my relaxed mind and functioning lungs. By acting as a tether they find balance and I find strength in myself. Through this profound connection I learn to love and hold true to my Holy Origin.

Published by fosteringcreation

I'm a writer, performer, and creative person. This is my official blog, and I hope that it inspires others!

One thought on “Connection of the Heart

  1. Dear Barb,This is one of my favorite things you have written. Thank you. I think a lot of people can relate -including me -and I appreciate all the good analogies you use.Keep breathing and opening up. You are Freeing Beauty. XOMom Jennifer Foster, MFA203.918.2132 SOUL HEARER, UNLTD Fostering Vocal Freedom

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