There is a well inside me. This well inside me opens wider and becomes deeper each passing year.
How to close this well and keep it from swelling? I don’t know.
This well is one of an aching heart and swirling mind. If I could stop the aching heart and stop the swirling mind, then perhaps the well might close.
Or so I used to think.
I’ve come to recognize that maybe by softening the ache and calming the swirl, the well won’t close completely, but instead it will find a deep stillness, one that has been much needed for a long time.
The well is good. The heart and the mind are good, but they have been treading water, struggling to stay afloat for some time.
The ache and the swirl have been left alone, untamed.
Somehow from this the heart and mind were hijacked and forcefully tamed from all that came naturally to them.
As the out-of-control ache found the steadily being tamed heart, the well inside me turned. The waters became dark.
As the out-of-control swirl found the steadily being tamed mind, the well inside me churned. The waters became cold.
Soon I saw the well and then myself as a sea of ugly good-for-nothingness. Inside and outside I felt like horrible black ice.
Hope was lost. Joy was no longer. Peace had vanished.
As I work now, to heal the ache and swirl from my heart and mind. I see the goodness the well has.
The well is empathy, love, creativity, and much more. I don’t know when the well inside me will be completely restored, but I see now there is a well inside me. It has been in turmoil for some time, and I have only known the turmoil, not the well itself. This well inside me is not the turmoil.
I am not the turmoil that the ache and swirl often created. The well does not need to be fixed or closed. It needs to be filtered of all the past aches, and swirling thoughts that have swarmed its waters, making it an unhabitable place for many years.
Decades of only seeing the turmoil that the untamed ache and swirl had unleashed, instead of seeing the beauty that the heart and mind contributed to the well was detrimental.
The heart and mind were never meant to be tamed. Taming the heart and the mind, I see now, creates more turmoil than good.
The heart and mind must remain untamed. Purified of any aching or swirling.
What must be tamed is the ache that comes from ruminating about the past, the ache that comes from holding on to hurt feelings, the ache that comes from unresolved feelings.
What must be tamed is the swirl that comes from fearing what the future will bring, the swirl that comes from constant stress worrying about everything, the swirl that comes from trying to resolve other people’s circumstances.
Nothing does more damage to the soul, the well of the person, than keeping the ache and swirl alive.
Filtration is the most important process for you to keep the well inside and to keep yourself seeing, feeling, and being as purified from that which is not you as you possibly can.
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