Nothing in my life has gone the way I’ve planned.

None of what I’ve imagined or fantasized has come true. At least not exactly as I thought it would.

I spent many hours and even years feeling quietly angry about life’s many abrupt changes that interrupted my plans, rearranged my fantasies, and sent me on what felt like an endless detour.

I felt hopelessly lost.

It seemed I was stumbling around without purpose, waiting for some kind of outside direction. Often an unsolicited opinion seemed like a momentary answered prayer.

Until I found myself wandering through the wilderness again, this time feeling more hopeless and angrier than before.

Between the heavy feelings and dark shadows, there were pockets of light. Moments of deep glimmering reflection. These moments pulled me in, and I felt as though my boat was briefly anchored. My soul felt safe to sink into the waters of itself dragging my heart down to a place of healing.

Depression always seemed to provoke these moments of reflection that ended in decompression.

As I came out of the dark just slightly and into a pocket of light, the main takeaway from these reflective moments was always an inkling of inauthenticity, and a need to run due to fear of transition. When I couldn’t run, there was the need to control.

It wasn’t just change I found uncomfortable, but specifically transitioning from one moment or phase to another. It is the space between the first moment and the next moment that is most frightening. There lurks the mysteriously cloudy unknown that I never wanted to step foot towards.  

However, those transitions were important to my evolution.

We all have them. The milestones. The times in life, that as a child we are not afraid of, but as we grow seem to feel daunting.

Moving on from one grade in school to the next, graduating from high school and moving on to college, or leaving one job because you got a better one.

As I look back on all the moments of transition in my life, I have come to the conclusion that life never went as I wanted it to, but it happened just the way it was supposed to.

Now, I am learning to accept how things unfold. They may not feel great at first, but as progress continues there is a natural settling that happens. From this headspace there is room for more good, a chance to practice co-existing with others, and letting yourself belong in places you used to think you would not fit.

Evolve or die.

More specifically we can strive to improve, doing what we can to contribute to our evolution. Or we neglect ourselves, our lives, our dreams, our talents and never improve on anything, which in the end is a choice to fade in the background and let your soul slowly die.

Those are the choices.

Although there is a sneaky hidden third option that is rarely discussed but sits squarely in between the evolution of the soul and the death of the soul.

This third option is called “coasting”. Your soul doesn’t really have a chance to grow, nor does it really die. There is not much improvement. There is not much of anything that happens in this state of coasting.

This may not seem so bad to some people, and it is a common way to go about one’s life.

But are you satisfied?

Do you like feeling frozen in your comfort zone?

How comfortable are you really?

Don’t you feel restless not improving on anything? I suppose you don’t since you’ve chosen this form of existence.

 Don’t you hear your soul whispering?

This frozen state is worse than death. It’s not living and it’s not dying.

Don’t you hear your soul calling?

You choose, though. Each one is a challenge.

There is the work of self-awareness, or blindly living your life in an unaware state, or there is the agony of self-destruction.

You choose.  

Evolve, coast, or die.

Life is a series of transitions.

Each transition is strung together with lessons. These lessons are intertwined with seasons of joyous growth and moments of various challenges sporadically thrown about.

This often leaves us to work through mixed emotions and we often find ourselves working through them in a difficult juncture in our lives.

The path ahead may feel dark and gloomy. We can only see a few feet ahead on our path as a layer of fog clouds our vision.

Why move forward if you can’t see the whole clear path?  

We feel stuck, scared, anxious, and perhaps angry that the fog is even there.

 We might try to blow the fog away, wait for the fog to dissipate or run away from walking the dark path altogether.

All of that is a waste of your time and precious life.

The fog is by design.

The Universe will guard, guide and govern you. That means you’re covered and protected from all sides. And you will be directed to your next right moment.

Walk forward on the path before you and trust that the fog will lift.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers!

Happy Mother’s Day to those that had to step in as mother, who weren’t ready to be mothers but did it anyway, to the father’s that had to become mother and father, to the women that became mothers through adoption, or by foster care, to the first time mother’s that feel exhausted but continue to keep going for their children, and to those that became mother’s through guardianship.

No matter how you became a mother and no matter if you consider yourself a mother, father, or parent, today the act of nurturing a young one and expressing motherly qualities of love, kindness, selflessness, joy, discipline, steadfastness, and being a presence in a child’s life deserves to be celebrated.

I don’t think there is such thing as a perfect mother, so long as they try their best to be there for their children. A mother doesn’t have to be a perfect person, so long as they express love, joy and kindness towards their children. And as long as they learn to love who they are and try to give themselves as much grace for their own challenges.

Life is a roller coaster. It is a journey in learning how to bring our best selves forward, and how to strive to be come the individual that we most want to be. This is a challenge for anyone.

Children come into the world with all of the feelings, but none of the skills to manage their feelings. They are learning everything about life and about themselves on the fly. They are learning everything about the world and the people around them from scratch. They need a loving and present person to stand by them while they navigate all these big things.

Loving and present are the key components for parents. Continuously working at being present and loving with your children will go a long way in their success.

And children, when they grow, can return the favor of being loving and present for their parents.

Here’s to all the parental figures that were present and loved their children into the people they wanted to be. Thank you for all you do and all you strive to be. We love you!

The pandemic was a challenging time for everyone. However, it gave us an opportunity to pause.

While some were still working and some worked from home. While some businesses remained open, and many were still able to go outside. For the most part, the world seemed to slow down for a while.

There was a global pause. From this pause we found time to think, we had more time with loved ones, or to call loved ones, to find a sense of resilience in ourselves, or discover a new hobby. Perhaps some things started to heal, and other things came up that needed healing.

Though the pandemic is over, and while we still face challenges today. Things could be worse.

Imagine it’s 1775. You live in Boston. The British are trying to take over your land. The only form of light you have are candles and oil lamps. The only form of transportation is a horse drawn carriage, riding horseback as the soldiers did, or you must walk to your destination.

The only way to communicate was verbally or by handwriting letters, which during this time in Boston could be a challenge as the British and the new Colonies would intercept the mail that came from either side to gain more information during the war about their opponent.

The only way to hear news was to read it in the newspaper, which was printed one letter at a time, or you might hear something by word of mouth from a friend.

Everything was different back then.

Today we live in an advanced world. Yet humans seem to be the same reactive, anxious, jealous, and challenged creatures as they were back in 1775.

But why? What for? Why does our ego plague us so?

Why does the outside world seem to make us feel so small, helpless, hopeless, unhappy, challenged, desperate, angry, depressed, anxious, overstimulated, listless, and overwhelmed?

Can we pause? Please!

We don’t need a global pandemic to find pause in our life.

Let’s pause. Let’s take a break. Let’s breathe.

We are okay. All is well here.

If you can shift your perspective in the pause, you might see the challenge is not so scary, and you are more in control than you thought.

Today we have electricity. We have running water. We have cars. We have many ways to communicate. We have various ways to get the news.

We are so lucky in so many ways.

It is very hard to look past the challenges. Some days it feels impossible to feel any hope. But when you learn about different countries, different people or learn about a different time then life is put into perspective.

Things could be worse. Things could be harder.

So, when life feels impossibly dull and difficult try to pause and pivot to a new perspective. At the very least you can think about that and perhaps it might give you a reason to be grateful for what you have.