I’ve always tried to fit into society’s box of expectations. It is one of paradoxes and contradictions.
You’d think these contradictions would fill the box that there wouldn’t be room for a single person, but ironically when you make yourself small enough you end up fitting in the box.
Then there was my box of expectations and contradictions of how I thought I should be. I made myself even smaller to fit into my box.
Then Life came along and gave me experiences. While each one taught me something and brought growth, I managed to stay small enough to fit into my designated boxes. Society was happy and I felt like I was staying safe and good by doing the right thing.
I stayed on this track for a long time.
Then by late adolescence, experiences came around that not only brought growth but stretched me. These experiences forced my boxes to crack and pushed me to begin to burst at the seams.
I clung to my boxes, afraid that if I didn’t stay in them I might not be good, or be doing the right thing, or that someone could find fault in me for stepping out of line.
Then I found myself reevaluating my boxes. I realized how long I had made myself small. I asked myself “Did I choose this life, this way of being? Or did it choose me?” I think it chose me but who was I to be changing the patterns now. I continued on with my boxes.
As Life kept going, society’s box, which I tried to fit into, became ripped and shredded. I couldn’t keep it. Although I held on to my other box, the one with my own expectations. The two boxes morphed into one box. Though I was down to one box, I continued to carry out society’s structured ways and contradicting ideas while maintaining strict expectations for myself. Who could tell where one ended, and the other began?
I continued to grow and with that came much wrestling. Life kept bringing me experiences and every once in a while, one experience would come along that would stretch me so far, I thought I might break.
Concealing my emotions, upholding standards, meeting exact expectations, and maintaining a sense of decorum that didn’t show too much personality became harder to keep.
Now, every year I find myself feeling more challenged. Each year I find Life stretches me to the point of bursting. Though I conceal as much as I can. I’m losing my box. It’s getting harder by the day to stay small.
I know I’ve been invited, urged even, to expand.
“Let yourself burst wide open! Be open.” Life seems to say.
Flowers bloom unapologetically all the time. They let themselves expand every day. Given the right nourishment and embracing their supply, the flower stretches and grows with grace and deep beauty. They allow themselves to expand as wide as possible.
Flowers are in alignment with Life’s call and from a tight bud to a brightly bloomed flower they open unafraid.
So why can’t I? Would it be so bad to completely open?
Free yourself from your preconceived expectations that have kept you caged in smallness!
You were meant to bloom like the flowers.