No one broke your heart. No one broke your spirit. No one was out to get you.
Do you need to blame someone? Do you need to take your anger out on something? Do you need an outlet for the buildup of tension, stress, and restlessness?
Then think of the jerk fear has been. Remember how pride had spun your compassionate nature into something ugly. Wake up to the fact that envy turned you into the Wicked Witch of the West and wreaked havoc on your essence.
Is that not enough?
Okay, then look back at how much resentment you held in your heart for the world. It blackened your heart and your “clear sense and calm trust.” Acknowledge how anger has followed you and how you’ve held its hand. Notice how many times you ached for flattery and manipulated peoples’ feelings to get some kind of attention. Did that method of madness ever feel good? Did it feel authentic? Was it an organic, pain free way of building connections with people? Most likely not.
Be honest. Did your imagination ever represent a loved one accurately? Look closely at how you have deceived yourself and others by holding false ideas, or idolizing others. It never once served you. It only broke your own heart further.
You gave into melancholy, depression, anxiety and so much more. You created an identity around that, and it never once brought you contentment. There was a stinginess to your soul. Cowardice robbed you of your courage.
You waited for material direction, and human approval. You planned only how you wanted to feel about certain situations, ones that you had no control over; instead of planning what could help you feel like empowering others to feel thus using your true joy and essence to ignite the world into being.
You were gluttonous and downright selfish. You thought you could only be fueled by others. You thought inspiration came from a certain outcome, instead of knowing that you originated from a Source more wonderful than can be seen, or heard; and therefore had all you needed right in front of you and deep within you. But you constantly fought with it until you forgot how to breathe.
You were lustful for love, attention, and joy. You sought vengeance on God for creating something you thought you had to understand and creating someone you hated to call “yourself”. Why were you created, you thought? How dare God make a mistake like you! How dare She make a voice that doesn’t match the face and a body that doesn’t work the way humans should!
From all this you got lazy. You became lazy in your daily efforts, in your life, and in thought. You did not stand up for yourself in any sense of the word.
So, you need someone to blame? Then blame that.
Do you need to take your anger out on something? Then take it out on the false character you created and then create a new one.
Do you need an outlet for the buildup of tension, stress, and restlessness? Then acknowledge, deeply consider how you broke your heart with this. Hold it all in your hands with compassion because you didn’t know any better, and then do everything better.