Mental Confessions

Though I’m young my soul has aged from years of neglect.

Though I’m young my heart has aged from years of disgust, and mistreatment.

Though I’m young my body feels old, and stiff.

Dear Self,

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I stopped you from breathing.

I’m sorry I didn’t understand

what the body needed.

I’m sorry I didn’t take care of you.

I’m sorry I starved you,

and neglected to nourish you.

I’m sorry I yelled at you,

and restricted you.

I’m sorry I could never celebrate you.

I’ll get better.

Dear Self,

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I fought with the heart.

I’m sorry I listened to all the teasing,

and rude comments from siblings.

I’m sorry I used all the teasing,

and rude comments as ammunition.

I’m sorry I spun it all

into a huge weapon,

and fired it towards you

daily.

I’m sorry I never valued

your goodness,

and your emotional intelligence.

I’m sorry I shot you down.

I’ll try to let you breathe.

Dear Self,

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I never listened

to the soul,

and to Soul.

I’m sorry I didn’t believe

in you, in goodness,

in all that you can do,

the lives you can touch,

and that it all comes

from Soul.

Divine Soul.

I’m sorry I fought,

kicking and screaming,

with you.

I’m sorry I pushed back

on love, and Love.

I’m sorry I questioned,

even surveyed

every

good

relationship that

came in.

I’m sorry I didn’t

trust you.

I’m sorry

that it was easier

to use the imagination

as a weapon against you

then to exercise it for good.

I’m sorry I wanted you to break

so badly.

I’m sorry I made you feel

so weighted and drained.

I’m sorry I never let you

be the breath of fresh air

you’ve always wanted to be.

That’s going to change…

really soon.

Dear Self,

I’m sorry

I compared your existence

with everyone else’s.

I’m sorry I called you a “nobody”.

I’m sorry I told you that you needed

to be somebody else,

or no one at all.

I’m sorry I told you that

existing was invalid

if you couldn’t be

impressive,

and an expert

right away.

I’m sorry I’ve been

so irrational.

I’m sorry I never loved you.

I’m sorry I never cared about you,

unless someone could save you first.

I’m sorry I made self-loathing

addictive and interesting.

I’m sorry I never let you

stand up for yourself.

Please forgive me.

Dear Self,

On my honor

I will try to serve God

and you.

To respect you at all times,

and to live my this self-made law.

I know I have work to do.

I’m tempted to be daunted

and feel like it’ll be too hard,

but I want to love you.

I want to be a breathe of fresh air

for you and for others.

I want to enter the land of the living once and for all!

I’m done trying to break.

I’m done weighing everyone down.

That’s not living. It’s dying.

I’m sorry to have killed you slowly

and for so long.

Change is coming.

Sincerely,

Your mind