I’ve known and come in contact with many people. They all have touched my life in various ways, but they only know certain pieces of who I am. They’ve only witnessed a select number of things that have shaped me. They only know a few quirks, or a handful of downfalls. No one knows the whole picture.
No one knows how hard it was to grow into all the layers that make up who I am. No one knows the layers of myself that are forming as we speak, or the layers that are continuously changing color. Not many have seen the intensity, pain, and sweat of my evolution. Not many have understood and taken my hand as I’ve pushed through stages and phases of torture, and battle arenas on my way to finding a sense of home in myself.
Most people that have crossed paths with me have only been able to skim the surface of who I’ve been and who I’m becoming. When apart or when I’ve lost touch with someone they don’t get to see the growth that continues. A part of me wishes they could, but it’s their loss.
I long to be with someone who can get to know me. I want to know someone that isn’t afraid to know me at my core, someone who can see, hear, and love my soul. If only we could meet people from the inside, instead of starting from the outside. However, the world is so superficial that we forget about our hearts. What allows love to keep beating? What brings the color into our world and our life, and helps to create our rich souls? The heart!
To be in action with another, to be totally with them, is like standing on a sailboat as the sky clouds over, the thunder rumbles in the distance, and the ocean begins to churn, forming whitecaps. Instead of trying to reign in the storm you delight in it. This is true and deep love of one’s soul.
To love every fiber of one’s being is to delight in the storm that forms around you as you stand on your sailboat and ride the waves. One wave slaps into another and breaks over the hull of your boat. You don’t try to harness any part of the storm because you know it’s not about you. The wind that blows, the thunder that now crashes like cannon fire and the swirling sea is not a battle that you need to fight, even if your boat takes a beating.
The storm is only fighting itself. You don’t need do anything. So hold on to your sails and watch as the storm progresses from a dark menace of nature to the most beautiful rainbow that sparkles over a diamond sea.
This is love at its finest. This is the depth of love and humanity. This is the purest form of partnership. This is the gorgeousness of wholesome friendship.
I’m grateful to those rare few who could understand that the storm was only about me. I’m grateful to those who could stand on their boat and witness as I wrangle the storm. Thank you for riding the waves with me as the storm becomes a rainbow.
I wish I had more soul connections, but step one that I’ve been journeying on for a long time is to connect more with myself. To love myself and the space I take up has been an ongoing crusade. It will most likely continue to be an ongoing crusade, but the roughness of the storm will lessen and perhaps parts of the storm will fade.
Some people I’ve known have needed to sail away and some boats have capsized. I’m sorry I haven’t helped you up.
When going through a storm it’s hard to notice what’s around. Heavy rains get in your eyes, a tidal wave of thoughts that roar like thunder clutter your being and going through the world feels like walking on a raging sea. It’s unsettling and beyond difficult.
Those rare few that are able to stand grounded on their sailboats while the storm continuously works itself out are soul connections to me. They don’t try to fix or help unless asked. They have complete faith that I can wrangle the storm and win. They don’t comment or judge how I look as I work to find grounding among the storm. They don’t ask prompting questions or demand that there are rules to how one must wrangle their own storm. I may not always be working on things in a way that is obvious, but soul connections don’t add to the storm.
The people that honestly want to be in a friendship, or partnership with me know how to ride the waves with me, with little to no excuses.
To those who capsized, but have continuously flipped the boat over and kept riding with me. Thank you. I’m grateful you’ve been trying to keep up. Thank you for working to stay afloat. I will try to keep up with you, but I make no guarantee that my storm is at bay. I’ll try to ride yours if you can keep riding mine. Please don’t take offense if I share and dream about a soul connection. My sharing and longing of a soul connection doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough, that I don’t see you or that I’ve forgotten about you. It means that I’m on a quest to find a bond with someone that has a boat that won’t capsize in the storm. It means that I’m in love with my imagination. It means that my crusade for self-love and joy hasn’t been put to rest. It means I’m simultaneously trying to free and capture more color, beauty, and heart.
So skim the surface if you need to. Turn away if you must. Try not to capsize if you’re interested in coming with me because it’s no fun to miss the light that could come from the storm, but I need to keep riding. Ride with me! I need a soul connection, or at least someone who doesn’t mind capsizing every once in a while.