“They make me sick! They feel like mini straight-jackets for your face!” was the feeling I had.
Today I heard that California, and the L.A. County shelter-in-place order was extended until the end of July and that masks in the nursing home I live in have to be worn inside AND outside from now on.
I was definitely sad and frustrated, but my life continues so there’s not much to complain about. It’s out of my control. So I continue in this cocoon until further notice.
As I left work to go back to my room I stopped outside to put my mask on. I usually go outside, not only because it’s nice out, but to avoid wearing a mask. However, it appeared I couldn’t really avoid it. I wanted to be a good girl. So I put my mask on and thought “Well, I guess the only safe zone now is my room.”
My “willingness to become like a little child” was clinging onto whatever it could to ease the frustration and sadness of the situation. With my mask on I picked up the trash bag, bag of dirty diapers, and my water bottle. My purse slung over my shoulder like a satchel and earbuds in to attempt to drown out my annoyance of the mask. However, as I made my way to the garbage bin, and to clock out, the mask absorbed the heat from outside. It was really hot, even though outside was not that hot.
“They make me sick! They feel like mini straight-jackets for your face!” was the feeling I had, as I clocked out and made my way down the hall to take the trash out. When those chores were done I wanted desperately to escape. I wanted to take the mask off and to enjoy the sun, and THE AIR without getting caught. So away from prying eyes I took the mask off and walked outside.
It wasn’t the same. There was a looming suggestion that I should be following orders. I looked over and saw a nurse wearing a mask, as she knelt next to a patient in a wheelchair. Outside isn’t the same and the world feels endlessly upside down.
Summer is a distant dream. The sun that lights up my room through the window feels like an illusion. I yearn to go out and play, but I rather stay in where there’s some semblance of air that I’m allowed to breathe freely.
I hope the world can flip itself back around or that I can adjust, one day, to this upside down world. We’ll have to see…